Flooded With Feelings

Lately my emotional cup has been over full and spilling down the sides. I'm drenched in emotion and I need to wring out my head so I can make room for a refill.

I love my husband dearly. I really do. But I often do not like him. AT ALL. And the conflicting feelings I have towards him sometimes make me feel like a crazy person. One minute I want to hold him tight and love all over him and the next I'm plotting my escape route. I just wonder if this really is the way its going to be, forever. God, help me if it is. (Or at least answer that prayer about him putting his toothbrush away). Sigh.

I don't want to go back to work. I really don't. I think I should stay home until Micah starts going to school. I shouldn't have to leave him in someone else's care (even if it is my sister) just because that is the way it is supposed to be. He should be with his mommy.

I get real pissed off when people come over to MY HOUSE and look at me cross eyed when I need to feed the baby. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world yet so many people are offended by it because this fucked up society we live in has taught us that a woman's breast should only be exposed for sexual reasons. No, I'm not just popping it out in front of anyone and everyone. I am discreet and will cover up when necessary. But I will not get up and leave the room in my own house because someone is ignorant. Especially when its an uninvited guest. Screw that, if my baby is hungry I'm going to feed him. And when I'm in the comfort of my own home, anyone who doesn't like it can get the hell out.

I'm still extremely overwhelmed over my baby boy. I still hold him tight and cry because I don't even know how to express to him how much I love him. I wonder if there is any way he'll ever know how deep my love for him is. Maybe one day when he has a child of his own he'll understand. But I'm all about instant gratification. So for now, I'm just trying to give him love in every possible way that I know how. Because of Micah, I get it. I really get it.

Even though I've only managed to empty my cup about a quarter of he way, I better stop. In the comments, what's overflowing your cup these days?

Have You Ever...

...Went to the fridge, found the milk spoiled and put it back? This seems to be a regular occurrence at my house. And no, it's not ME! I happen to hate milk. I think it stinks regardless of it's freshness. But WHY on earth wouldn't one just throw it away? What is the point of putting it back? Does it have to do with living in a house full of males? If I'm being honest here, this happens with WAY more than milk and it really pisses me off. Is the male species truly untrainable?

...Lied to your spouse/significant other just to avoid certain topics of conversation? I have to admit that I do this occasionally to Jason. Why? I just don't want to hear "it" sometimes. Jason has this disease, chronic sloppiness with acute paper collection disorder. So I have learned over the years to not bitch at him about picking up after himself. I'll do it, no problem. And I put things where I think they need to be, in the TRASH!!! When he says "Honey, have you seen that pamphlet I got from Home Depot?" I simply say, "No, I don't even know what you're talking about. Sorry!" I used to say, "Oh, you mean the...yes, I threw it away. It sat on the counter for 2 weeks. I figured you didn't want it." And that would just cause him to get all kinds of pissed off and walk around for a couple of hours mumbling under his breath about how a "mutha fucka can't have shit around here. Nina throws everything away just cause she thinks its junk..."

...Had a blog crush? From talking who people who blog, I've decided this is quite common. I think. Especially when the blogger starts having private conversations with their readers via email. Is this just a naughty pleasure or completely unacceptable?

In the comments, be honest :)