Oh what a week it has been. I've had two extra children at my house all week due to the lack of parenting skills of the biological parents and the grandparents being out of town. So...the lovely 3 year old niece and the exuberant 8 year old nephew have been testing my patience and mothering skills since last Thursday evening.

Oh the stories I could tell...but I'll just share one to let you know how my week has been and why I'm so relieved to see it end.

The other evening while watching t.v. the sweet niece was happily chasing Scrappy Dog vivaciously around the living room. To my surprise, Scrappy Dog looked terrified of the sweet niece and quite unsure of how to handle the little tyke since previous attempts at her nose were severely punished. Given that Scrappy was trying to be a good boy he rolled over onto his back hoping for a belly rub. Immediately the sweet niece noticed the little dog's penis and said "Aunt Nina! Aunt Nina! What is that? Does Scrappy have a bone stuck in his belly? Is that the bone we gave him to eat the other day? Look!!! It's STUCK!!!" I tried so hard to ignore her question and stifle my giggles but she's relentless. So as calmly as I could I told her that Scrappy does not have a bone stuck in his belly. In fact, that is not a bone at all. I told her that is how Scrappy goes pee-pee. This answer was enough to tame her curiosity for all of 20 seconds before she asked me what was the "pink thing" poking out from the top. I put Scrappy back in his cage and didn't let him out for any extended periods of time for the remainder of her stay.

Thank God it's FRIDAY!!

My Truths

What do I know for sure? To be honest, not too much. But I'm more than happy to share my personal truths...


1.If I decide to flat iron my extremely curly hair, it's going to either rain or be super humid outside so that I look like a crazy person with ball of frizz sitting on top of my head.

2.The moment I give my "old" clothes to the local Goodwill, I find the perfect occasion to wear that crazy gold beaded top with the faux fur collar.

3.The older I get, the more I realize, family really is most important.

4.Never let anyone borrow more money than you can afford to not have paid back. Especially when it's a family member, you almost NEVER get that money back.

5.Just when I think that everything is going well in my life, some dumb ass shows up and fucks everything up. Almost always.

In the comments...share your own person truths.

Lacie

This is one of my favorite pictures of my Lacie Dog. She was our first dog. I got home from the store one day and found her in my living room. We hadn't discussed getting a dog so I thought maybe we were just dog-sitting for someone. Nope. She was ours. I think in this photo she was about 8 weeks old. Maybe even a little younger. It was sometime in July. She was such a good puppy. She was potty trained in less than two weeks and NEVER had accidents in the house. She only chewed her toys. Honestly, we had no idea how well behaved she actually was until little Srappy-Doo (a.k.a. the terror) was added to the family. As Lacie grew, she turned out to be a wonderful companion and guard dog. I never felt that anyone could harm me or anyone in the family as long as Lacie was around. But she also was super friendly to all. My friend Nicole always calls Lacie "bossy" because she makes you pet her, regardless of what you want. The sweetest dog ever, that is how I'll remember my Lacie Dog...

...Today we had to put her down. One of the hardest decisions I've had to make in a super long time. Her health had been declining for quite some time and I probably should have done this sooner. But I was selfish and wanted to keep her because I love her sooooo much. Anyway...I held her until she took her final breath. Then I held her some more. I made sure that the final thing she saw was my face. I told her over and over that I was sorry and I love her. I hope she understood. I told her that I was sorry that she wouldn't get to meet the baby. I know that some of you think I'm ridiculous, but Lacie loved babies. She watched over them. Lacie would wake me in the middle of the night when I used to keep my niece if I didn't hear her crying. She was such a good dog...

...Shortly after leaving the vet's office I had a doctor's appointment of my own. I heard the baby's heartbeat for the first time today. It was the most beautiful sound. I thought of the circle of life.

Here is the major announcement that I promised a while ago...I'm having a baby!!! This is the ultrasound picture at 7.5 weeks (today I'm just a bit over 8 weeks). I know it seems to be not much more than a blob right now, but if you look closely you can see the outline of a tiny body. Amazing!!!

So, this is why I haven't been writing and hardly commenting on other blogs. Because honestly, I've been a wreck!!! My emotions are going berserk and only seem to be getting worse. I cry often and about nothing. And sometimes about everything.Furthermore, I've never been so tired in my entire life. All I want to do is sleep. When I wake up, I think about when I'm going to be able to sleep some more. It's pathetic, really. Oh...the nausea. I haven't actually thrown up at all. But I've been blessed with this looming feeling of having to vomit all the time. Why they call it morning sickness is beyond me because I have this feeling morning, noon and night. The moment I think I'm feeling alright I get woozy all over again. So I'm trying not to think about it at all, not that it helps any.

Hopefully my friends who have already experienced pregnancy are right when they tell me that these feelings should pass soon. I'm really looking forward to not being so weepy and tired. But until then, forgive me for abandoning everyone. I'll be back as soon as I'm feeling a bit better!

Today's Inspirational Quote

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream." -- Mark Twain

Home Remedies

My favorite home remedy for a cold is the hot tottie. However, I'm completely convinced that it only works if someone else makes it for you. For those of you out there who have never had a hot tottie, be warned, they are disgusting. It's best to try and drink it as quickly as possible.

For anyone who has dogs, lavender oil is great for keeping fleas off of your pooch. It also will make them smell quite yummy.

My favorite zit remedy is lemon juice. Either rub a piece of fresh cut lemon onto the unsightly culprit or dab some lemon juice concentrate on a cotton ball and apply it that way several times a day. This works much faster than store bought goos that you can only wear at night because they leave a nasty residue on your skin.

Jason isn't feeling well. My neighbor told me that he should rub Vic's on the bottom of his feet, put socks on and go about his business. I thought this to be strange, I've never heard of this one. But I've passed on the information and he says he may try it before he goes to work tonight. I'll keep you posted.

In comments...what are your favorite home remedies? Or maybe you've just heard of some wacky ones that you'd like to share, whichever.

I woke up this morning quite sad, full of thoughts that haven't been with me in a long time. Though, I'd be lying if I said I never thought of him. But last night I had a dream, and he was there. Just as I always knew him...

You see, we met at the age of 10. We only saw each other once a week at P.A.T. (I think that stood for Program for the Academically Talented) class. We quickly became friends, the best of friends actually. As we grew older and entered Jr. High School neither of us could have been more pleased to know we'd now be attending the same school. We'd see each other every day. We had several classes together. We also decided we were in love. Awe, who doesn't remember young love without a big grin? Holding hands while walking to class, writing love letters hoping the teacher doesn't catch you, sneaking late night phone calls, scribbling "I love so-and-so" all over your folders. What fun all of that was! Oh, we were inseparable. Life was perfect. But soon, seeing each other only during school wasn't enough. So he invited me over to his house one day after school to play basketball. His mother said she was looking forward to finally meeting me after hearing only my voice after all these years. And so it goes, the walk to his house after school, introductions were made everything was great! Until I got home and he called. It was at this moment that I witnessed for the very first time how ugly the world can be. He told me that his mom thought I was really nice but she had no idea that I wasn't white. He told her it didn't matter and she had a million reasons why it did. I'll spare you the nasty details that came over the next 2 years (we were not easily separated, as I said before) except to say that it was indeed nasty. Heated conversations took place amongst his and my mother, he and his mother as well as his mother and I. Eventually, after lots of sneaking around and pretending to date other people his parents won. We just couldn't do it anymore. We were defeated. It was so uncomfortable that we hardly ever spoke to each other throughout high school. We always exchanged looks that said "I miss you" but we never spoke. Actually, I did get the courage to call him once when we were in 11th grade. And I did tell him that I missed him. He sounded as sad as I was feeling and said, "Nina, please don't."
And that was our last phone conversation, ever. My last memory, is a good one. We were at senior brunch. I told him I would like him to take a picture with with me. He looked extremely surprised, yet happy. We put our arms around each other one last time, just long enough for it to hurt.

The adults used to whisper, let them be, they're only kids. It's not like they're getting married. They don't really love each other, they don't even know what love is. Even though these people were trying to help, these words were not comforting. They were a slap in the face.

Years went by. I always wondered where he was. I was sad (for selfish reasons) when I heard he'd gotten married. I was even more sad when I heard he was getting a divorce. Because even now, the thought of him unhappy makes me unhappy.

Looking back, I can say, yes. Yes, I loved him. I loved him the only way I knew how. He was my most trusted friend. Were my feelings of love as complex as they are today for my own husband and family? Of course not, I was indeed young. But we are all capable of love, at every age. And I beg of all the parents who read this, never deny your child the opportunity to love someone because you can't get over your own shortcomings about race.

Forgive me for being all over the place, but the truth is, it's hard to think clearly, because the emotion is still so strong. The tears will not stop falling. Just know that I cry not for the friendship that was taken away, or for my heart that was so badly broken. That pain has gone, although I sometimes still hurt from the scar. I cry for the ignorance of the people in this world who can not see past the color of one's skin. I cry for the people who still think that it matters.